Perpetuity
by Chevira Lowe
Summary: Because Riku would do whatever it takes to win, no matter the playing field-- (barest hints of unrequited Riku>Sora, and even barer hints of mutual Sora/Kairi)


Perpetuity.

If I asked you to define eternity, what would you say? Is it actually something comprehendible by the average human psyche, or is it something esoteric, in a sense, so much so that only the brightest and best can even vaguely begin to understand _what, _exactly, it means? 

You either have to be the smartest person alive, or you have to have actually _lived _it. And trust me, the descent into darkness that I had to endure; that was so close to eternity that I touched the wisdom, the divinity of the ages, but I was burned, and so I recoiled. I didn't _want _to succumb, damnit, but I didn't have a _choice. _

However. This very nearly equates eternity. This…this _waiting…_this elongated and drawn out battle of wills. This battle that you will lose. You might as well admit it, Sora, I am better than you. I always _have _been, but before, I never tried to point it out. You were younger than I, I could afford to let you win a few arm-wrestles; to let you beat me by a step in a few races. It boosted your ego, something that you sorely needed. You were so self-conscious, when we were younger, but all that…that _helping _that I did, it's gone to your head. 

I felt it, you know. I felt it when Kairi _sensed _you. I FELT IT! She. Doesn't. Have. A. Heart. And yet, she reacted to _you, _you, the ever-glorious 'Wielder of the Keyblade'. SHE REACTED TO **YOU**! You see, I am connected to the heartless. The same way that I could twist my hand in a menacing gesture and call forth _your _darkness to be your opponent, the same way I feel pain whenever _you _destroy them. 

And I, connected as I am to Kairi through her lack of a heart, _felt her respond to you. _You, of _all _people. You who have _forsaken **me. **_We were best friends forever, Sora, _best friends. _Doesn't that mean anything to you any more?! You walked away from us, from ME, like I was nothing! You turned away and haven't looked back. Do you even _care _any more? Or is that why you're only looking for Kairi? You just want some woman to sate the newly-found, pubescent desires that must have come with that Keyblade. You seem to have decided you're a man, now, or, at any rate, man enough to make your own decisions. 

You shouldn't have made this one. I was your best friend, but now…now, I can be your worst enemy. Hate me all you want, Sora, I don't _need _you now. Did I ever? Hah, I doubt it. You were always nothing more than a third wheel, an accoutrement to _my _greatness. You were no one without me. You were, and still are, worthless. 

_So why do you love him, Kairi?! _

She's sitting down, as standing would be impossible in her current state. Hah. She no longer has a heart, though I've often wondered why _she _hasn't just turned into a Heartless. How ironic, that Sora might end up killing her, if this were to come to pass…I mean, he cares more about her than he does me, and he's proven that he has no qualms about killing _me, _but what would her death do to him? Would it break him? Would it shatter his will? Would he drop to his knees and howl in a terrified, helpless anguish, and languish forever in the knowledge that _he _killed her?

"Why?!" I say suddenly, hands upon Kairi's shoulders. She falls limply forwards, into my arms, and I push her away with a newfound disgust. She lolls, expressionless, where I have discarded her. "Why did you respond to _him?" _

She said nothing. I hadn't expected her to. After all, how can one without a heart respond to such slights? And so, tentatively, I try a different tactic. "Why doesn't he care that much about _me?" _

Still, the endless depths of her blank eyes hold no respite for the weary. She doesn't know the answer. Even I, who grew _up _with Sora, don't know the answer. He knew Kairi for _four _years, and he's known me forever! And he chose HER over ME! 

Even when we were reunited, the words, they haunt me still. "Riku! Where's Kairi?" I had delusions of what he might have said. I had hopes of him meeting _me _and being happy. I had whimsical musings that he might just be contented, with _me. _But no. Of course not. Every knight needs his princess.

I could have choked in disgust. I could have hit him just to bring him to his senses. I _should _have hit him, because maybe if he would have found his senses, there would have never been any need for this. For ANY of this. Maybe—

But whatever. I don't need _Sora, _of all people, standing beside me. Not when I can stand alone, and outshine anyone who dares get in my way. 

"Kairi," I said softly, her name almost a caress in my mouth. "I don't _need _you." But I did. I needed _her _to bring Sora to me. I needed _her _as bait. I needed _her _because Sora threw away more than ten years of friendship for a chance to have her. I need _her _because he—damnit, because he doesn't need _me. _

He should. He was never good enough. He shouldn't have gotten this far on his own. He shouldn't have been able to handle the power of the Keyblade, because he isn't as good as me. He. Never. Was. 

But Kairi had reacted to Sora. She had felt him. She had sensed him. And she was heartless. She hadn't reacted to me. Materialistic little girl that she is, she always _would _have chosen him over me. So what if he has more to offer? _I _am better. But I don't want her. Even if I could have had her, it would only have been to spite Sora. Just to prove I'm better, because I have always _been _better. The few times I allowed him victory, he let it go to his head. He became pompous and assertive, and it dawned on me that I never should have let him win. 

So why did I?

Hah. Because we were friends. Because he needed to know what it felt like to return paramount, a conquering hero of a foreign nation. Because I _knew _that victory against me was the only one he believed mattered. Surely he could have storm the world if he could beat me, because _I _**could** have stormed the world, and he _knew _it. 

But I didn't just want the world, no, _I wanted it all. _

And I've almost gotten my wish. Everything I've ever dreamed of—it's so close—I can feel the pulsating tide of _power _as it flexes ever-nearer to my grasp before it's tugged away again with the waning of the moon. I can feel it, and I want it. Because it would be just one more thing that I could boast to him. Just one more thing that I can hold over his head. 

_"Look, Sora, look what I can do! I bet **you **can't do it!" _

Sora, I let you win because we were friends. I don't have to do that any longer. You are nothing to me. Nothing. Nothing!

So then why do I want to save Kairi for you…?

I don't. I don't want to save her for you. I want to save her because—

Because I don't want her, and I don't need her, and she only matters to me because she matters to you…

--Because it's my duty. Because I swore I would protect her. Because _we _swore that we would protect her. Because I, even now, don't want to break my oath. My word means everything to me, you hypocritical brat, just like you said it meant everything to you. But you lied. You lied about everything. You lied when you said we'd always be friends. But I didn't. I _offered you my hand. _I wanted you to come with me. I wanted us to be together. Damnit, I wanted to give you the world, and all I get in return is—

Nothing, Sora. I haven't gotten anything in return. I would have given you the world, if you would have asked it of me. But you wanted to conquer your own world. You didn't want one bought at my expense; you wanted one bought at your own. 

And that's how it goes with you 'hero' types, isn't it? Surrender yourself to save a friend, sacrifice yourself for your cause, slit your throat before telling a lie…that's how it is. You are so stereotypical, Sora. So predictable. 

Or maybe it's just because I've known you forever. Maybe it's just because—

No. I won't give you the satisfaction. I don't have to. The fetters you clamped around my wrists when we first became friends have disintegrated, now, as though they never were. My hands are free, and my wrists, although raw and blistered, will heal in time. 

I gave you an inch, Sora, I gave you an inch and you took a mile. You weren't even considerate in the taking, because you didn't just flay it off my back like everyone else has, no, you were insistent upon delving deeper. You scraped apart flesh and bone and cartilage and burrowed your acidulous way into my heart. And I hate you for it. 

But I've surrendered my heart, and _not to you_. You can't touch me now. You can never touch me again. And if you try, I won't hesitate to kill you. You know I won't, and you're afraid because of it. You're _afraid, _Sora, I can see it. I saw it when you saw me. I saw it when you caught the implications of what, exactly, I meant, when I took Pinocchio. You _feared me. _And well you should, because **I** will destroy you if I get my chance. 

I snapped an allegorical lid on my thoughts, turning my focus once more to Kairi. She had always seemed delicate, but _this_ frailty was disconcerting. And those eyes—

I drew back a fist, held it for a moment, and let fly. Out of some semi-respectful consideration of her gender, it transformed itself into an open palm by the time it connected, and her head snapped listlessly to one side. She didn't even blink, or flinch. _But she had moved for Sora. She **felt** Sora. _

"Why?" I hissed again, unable to keep the bitterness from my voice now. "Why did he come for _you?" _

The snide, condescending voice in the back of my mind answered. "Because, Riku, he doesn't _love _you. And he believes that you betrayed him, even as he betrayed you. He wouldn't want to hurt you, Riku, but he would if he had a cause. You know he would."

Angered with this inner monologue, I snapped back, "He would _fail." _

"Would he?"

"Yes! _I have always been better." _

"Have you, now?"

"Always."

"Define always."

"Forever, eternity, whatever. If it comes to that, _I _will be the victor."

"You wouldn't concede, for old time's sake?"

"I won't lose."

"Hah. Right. Do you _have _what it takes to win?"

"Does he?"

The voice dissipated, lost within the delicate miasma of my thoughts and fragmented dreams. 

I stood, abruptly, brusquely, wiping my hands on my pants as though I'd handled something dirty. Maybe I had. "I don't care what it takes, Kairi," I said softly, bending down just enough to tilt her chin up until I was looking in her lifeless, sightless eyes. "Remember that." I released her, and her head dropped back to her chest soundlessly. 

And then I walked away. 

~Owari~


End file.
